Drunks

True Stories

A drunk goes into an old south Georgia gas station and complains that he wants a stick or hook of some sort to get his jacket back he accidentally dropped down the hole in the outhouse.  The old Georgia Cracker asks him, “If it dropped down in the shit, why would you want it back?”  The drunk says, “Oh, hell, I don’t want the jacket.  I’ve got part of a 1/2 pint in the pocket!”

Drunk Women

An absolutely gorgeous young woman in very tight pants was at a dingy Akron bar, sitting on a stool with her spectacular ass being admired by all the men.  Finally, a worker from a tire plant couldn’t stand it anymore, and with his grimy hat in his dirty hands he approached and asked her, “Ma’am, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you get in those tight pants?”  

“Well, Sugar,” she said, “you start by buying me a drink.”

Drunk Cowboys

One Sunday morning a cowboy with a terrific hangover was nursing his first drink of the day.  A guy said to him, “You didn’t drive home last night, I hope.  You were really drunk!”  

Cowboy:  “Oh, no, I rode my horse.  I don’t remember much, but it was awful, terrible. Someone had cut his head off and I had to steer him all the way home with my finger in his windpipe.”