Originally appeared in Florida Sportsman
Even worse than having every man at your party come out to correct and advise you about how you’re cooking the ribs on the grill is the phenomenon of Mr. Getchoo, who seems to hide inside every man who’s ever ridden in a boat. You meet him when you show up with a new boat, particularly if it’s a nicer boat than his or one he hasn’t seen before. Like grill advisors, these guys often have zero experience, but plenty to say.
I showed my new 16-foot fishing skiff to a group of men outside a fishing club meeting one night a few years ago when I was new to town. The first man to comment said, “You need to getchoo a white all ‘round lite if you’re going to be fishing at night.” Second man said, “I like it a lot, but you’ll need to getchoo a bigger boat if you’re going to fish the Bay.” A third man said— adding a twist to “getchoo” — “You oughta gotchoo a Gheenoe. Lots of our members have Gheenoes.”
I have an all ‘round white light, a nice tall one custom-wired, but I don’t attach it unless it’s dark. Duh! Tampa Bay can be rough, so the boat is on a trailer. I can find a lee to fish when the wind’s blowing. Sometimes I cross the entire state of Florida. The hull design bears a strong resemblance to the seaworthy open rowing skiffs cod-fishing trawlers carried in the north Atlantic. Comparing my boat to a Gheenoe exposed the man as an ignoramus about small boat hull design.
Mr. Getchoos are experts...in their own minds. They’d like to have you think they’re trying to “hep” you, but they aren’t. They can annoy you if you aren’t aware. From dock lines to anchors to coolers and electronics and trolling motors and the tires on your trailer, they have ideas about how you should outfit your boat--to suit them. Mostly, they’re just jealous.
Another version is the “I hada” man, who says, “Oh, yeah, I hada cooler like that one time. Didn’t hold ice past lunch. Blew out of the boat on I-95. My son hadn’t tied it down. You need to getchoo some tie-downs, and getchoo one of them new $500 coolers you can put up in the bow and stand on.” Not happy with adding equipment, the I "hada" man will remodel your entire boat. When he says, “I hada” he means many years ago. I’ve got an old friend with more hair in his nose than on his head. I catch him regularly fibbing, and it usually starts with, “I hada….”
Disguised put-downs can ruin your day, and these guys know it. They want to appear smarter than you are. It’s why, if you invite one to join you for a day’s fishing, he’ll dress counter to your style, bring more tackle than the trip calls for, show up late and unload enough tackle boxes and gear to fill a much larger boat. Wearing cutoffs and an old T-shirt, he’ll comment on your snazzy fishing shirt with the logo. He’s never been on a fishing team. Did he bring too much gear? Well, sorry, he’s used to larger boats. He can leave a few things behind (sort, sort, set things aside, back and forth to his truck). Probably won’t be fishing for big tarpon out of this boat anyway. Oh, you want me to sit here!? Not much room. Gunnels aren’t very high…better put on my rain gear, gonna be taking spray. Hada boat like this when I was a kid. Did you bring enough ice for a couple of six-packs and my lunch? We’re not going far are we? When will we be back? I oughta call my wife.
Be on the lookout for these guys with their getchoos and oughtas and hadas. Don’t let ‘em ruin your day.
Back at the dock, here’s a solution. Say, “Thanks for all your help today. I made a list of your suggestions. With all you know, you need to getchoo a boat of your own, getchoo a radio show or a newspaper column, and getchoo a more experienced angler to fish with.”